Reconciliatory Ombudsmen Part II

See, it'd go down something like this:

Guy/gal enters confessional (or now called -- reconciliation booth) and says,"Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been (amount of time) since my last confession. These are my sins: thinking impure thoughts about Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt, giving a preteen the finger for diving into my car with their skateboard, more impure thoughts -- this time about my kid's teacher, calling the AT&T customer service rep a *&%sucker, etc. etc. etc. and on it goes.

Then it's the priests turn to dole out the punishment--I mean penance--which will wipe the sinner's soul lily white.

"God forgives you, my child. But you must perform an act of contrition to show you are truly sorry for your sins. Say three rosaries and attend two extra Masses within the next two weeks."

Now, this is where the beauty of the reconciliatory ombudsman is revealed. Since most reconciliation booths have been replaced by quaint open rooms, you can make sure your RO is sitting in the pews just outside. The priest gives you your whips--but before you agree--you pull in your personal advocate.

"Hello Father. I'm John. John the Reconciliatory Ombudsman. I'm here to negogiate (insert name here) penance."

Priest: "What?"

RO: "Let's get right to it. Although I can certainly agree there is nothing unusual or cruel about reciting the rosary, are three really in order? Won't two suffice, especially since this particular penitent is so repentant?"

Priest replies, "Well, I've never, um, never. This is quite unusual. No one's ever questioned a penance before. In fact..."

RO, "Father, father, father. My goal is not to stress you out. I'm hoping we can all leave here friends. OK, we'll settle for two. How does that sound?"

Priest: "Alright..."

RO: "Now, let's talk about these extra two Masses request. Carrying out this request will place a huge burden on (insert name here). Let's face it, he can't even make it to regular Sunday Mass and you're expecting this one to go extra times? Father, let's be realistic. .."

Priest: "Perhaps, he can agree to attend regular Sunday Mass then for a "

RO: "One."

Priest: "One?"

RO: "He can make it to one Sunday Mass. That's he can do. Asking him for more Father is truly unfair. After all, he's proven himself to be quite a sinner."

Priest: "Yes, I can see that."

RO: "Wonderful. Father, this has been one of the most pleasant negotiations I've experienced in a long time, which is fortunate since I'm sure you'll be working with me in the future. Have a good day."

Now, I'm just not certain if I actually want to be the ombudsman or if I would rather just offer a certification program. Hmm, I'll have to think on this.........